3/31/16

I feel I have turned a corner. I am still on a path that might be long, but I think that I have reached a bend where I can no longer look strait back and into the eyes of the past. When I look back I see it pace back and forth lost looking to be on my heels again. I can smell it as the wind changes from time to time reminding me to stay strong to not give up. For if I do; if I let catch up it will devour not only all the stuff I have done to keep it at bay, but myself completely as well.

This corner is also a bit unnerving, as I see another up ahead too. I see the path has many twist and turns. Some lead to bright meadows, other dark forest, and yet others are next to raging rivers and some seem to wind and flow along patches of a creek that bubbles over with cheer. Right now I can’t see the forks that will lead me to the, “right path”. I feel it deep in my gut. I am on the in between part of the path, the part where all I can do is put one tired foot in front of the other and be thankful that the darkness of the past is begining to fade, and yet not quite close enough to be able to see what is around the next bend.

If I give up the past will swallow me up. If I freeze in place and don’t keep trying I will never know the possibilities. All I can do is hope and walk and truge through this in between time. The time after the seedling breaks the crust and when the first blooms form. This is an important time. It builds me and gets me ready to grow the blooms…. but it is also a hard time. Maybe harder than the past and what forges the future. In some ways I will look back and feel like it was a flash in the pan. But, for now it feels like forever.

I am no God, I carry no magic wand, I am just me. Alone and not quite lost, but not quite found…. I will shut my eyes and try to be proud of the past and how hard it was and bear the badge of scars with pride. I will also imagine and long for the future and fill it with hope and the best of results. The power of three and positive thought is strong, but it has to start here and now and carry on today, tomorrow, next week for how long this stretch of path takes before the next bend.

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